12 Ways to Tell You’re a Mom to a Toddler

toddler mom

12 Ways to Tell You’re a Mom to a Toddler:

  1. You have hard, dried up milk and juice stains in the bottom of your purse from sippy cup leaks.

Check out the COMPLETE POST here at the NEW livinginmomarchy.com!!


When Life Gives You Kids–Make Wine(or at least make friends with your local wine clerk)

photo credit: Digimist via photopin cc

photo credit: Digimist via photopin cc

I’ll keep this short and sweet, as I just need to “vent” to other moms out there! Earlier this morning I was doing some cleaning while my 23 month old toddler was in his high chair eating his breakfast. Yogurt, raspberries, and oatmeal, OH MY!

Anyway, after him throwing three spoonfuls of yogurt onto the floor ON PURPOSE, I got very annoyed and said in my best pissed off voice, “IF YOU THROW ONE MORE SPOON OF YOGURT ONTO MY FLOOR, YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT!!”

I SWEAR TO GOD, he looks me dead in the eyes, gets a spoonful of yogurt and holds it over the edge of his chair LIKE he is going to drop it. And he just smiles at me while the yogurt is dangling off his spoon and about to spatter AGAIN for the fourth time. (Note: Yogurt seems to have a splatter radius of about 25 feet, because I kept stepping in little yogurt drops no matter how far away I got!)

As the yogurt is dangling from his spoon, I say “YOU BETTER NOT DR—” He had dropped the yogurt. “ON MY GOD! WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT. DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR MOMMA TELLING YOU NOT TO DO THAT. LOOK, NOW MOMMA HAS TO CLEAN UP YOUR BIG MESS!” I was SO pissed!!


“Where’d I Go?!”

He just looks at me, and throws both of his hands over his eyes and says, “Where’d I go?” Like, I can’t see him anymore so he can’t be in trouble. It. was. hilarious.

I hate it when he is funny when I am trying to play mom. I have horrible laughter control.

SO, the short version of my morning so far–it’s 10AM and if the morning keeps going like this, then I’ll be needing a glass of wine by noon! 

Momarch Steph

New Mom vs. Mom of Two Comic


New Mom vs. Mom of Two Comic

New Mom vs. Mom of Two Comic

11 Things I’ve Learned as a Stay at Home Mom

Stay at Home Mom
Here are 11 things that I’ve realized since staying at home full time:
  1. Washable markers aren’t completely washable.
  2. My husband appears to have some kind of OCD about drinking out of the same cup more than once….
  3. I am expected to wash every. single. cup. of his because I stay at home. Because I’m a stay at home mom. Because that’s what I am here for. As a stay at home mom. To clean his 53 cups per day.
  4. You can’t trick a toddler into thinking milk is apple juice.
  5. Make sure never to forget to buy the apple juice. Otherwise, you’ll be forced to try to trick them into thinking milk is apple juice to avoid a meltdown, which we have previously determined will not work.
  6. Wednesday is Wine Wednesday at my local liquor store. All wines are 20% off!!
  7. There is no EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA strength migraine medicine sold anywhere…I’ve checked 😦
  8. Quiet time is like a good old friend. They don’t come around often enough and they don’t stay long enough when they do come around.
  9. Apple juice can ferment after sitting in a sippie cup for three days.
  10. A toddler CAN catch a buzz from a drink of fermented apple juice in an old sippie cup they had stashed.
  11. My mom is a superhero.